Some things just make me smile!

There are lots of things that Jonah does that makes me smile. But sometimes the people around Jonah make me smile too!
We were at the mall yesterday and Alan was getting his hair cut and I had just finished feeding Jonah. Jonah was doing fine for a few minutes until the world started caving in! He suddenly realized he was in an unfamiliar place with a bunch of weird smells and sounds. He did not approve and so voiced it. Loud enough for the whole mall to hear.
It doesn't bother me any more to hear him cry because I know what he is saying. "Mom, I have a wet diaper and I'm scared! I don't know where I am and there are all theses weird sounds and smells! I don't like it!"-- that's what I hear. However, most people hear "PANIC!!!" or at least that's what I see go across their faces!
So I causally walked over to get a drink from the pretzel shop (and I used my super woman powers to resist a pretzel). The poor kid at the cash register had this look of "why is it crying and why won't it stop?! What do I do?!", but kindly said "oh, um he seems upset." To which I replied, "Yes, we're a lil fussy today", smiled and went on into JCPenny's to find a changing station. While walking through, I could see the terror rush across peoples faces! It was like I had a rare disease or ravenous monster in the stroller! I just kept a smile across my face and made it to the changing station.
Jonah calmed down for a little bit but then picked back up with much aggression, saying "You took care of the diaper, but I still don't like where I am mommy!!" So I did my best to calm him but he was still unhappy.
Another 15 min of crying and terrorizing people at the mall until I found some warm water for him to suck on. That helped and the poor citizens of the mall were relieved. The whole situation just made me smile. I felt like I should go an consul the people that it's going to be ok... baby's cry! That's how they communicate!

On a not so happy note, my milk supply isn't picking back up after the mastitis. I've done everything that every lactation website says to do (even some weird semi-superstitious things-- it's hard finding a juju doll for myself) and I'm still having to supplement with formula. At first, I was really starting to feel like a failure as a mom. The lactation websites didn't help with their "You're going to hell if you don't breast feed!" slogans. But thanks to some wonderful, godly and supportive friends, I was brought back to reality and knowing that I'm doing everything I can to love my lil Jonah. I'll continue to breast feed until I'm dry, but it's still a lil sad that things turned out this way. But I'm not giving up on a miracle!

Baby, You're Worth It!

For all those moms who have stuck with breast feeding through thick and thin, you deserve an award! I thought breast feeding would be fairly simple- all you need is boobs, baby, and a pump to go back to work... Right?
Well, I'd say now that's the case if you are lucky and blessed!
Right after Jonah was born, I tried to breast feed. I was very thankful to the L&D nurse who fended off the nursery nurses long enough to let me try. I noticed quickly that there might be a problem. He couldn't seem to latch on and my nipple didn't seem to stay up. So the next day, after hours of frustration and concern, the lactation nurse noted that I had "inverted nipples" (aka not your typical mama nipples).
Since Jonah was small and my milk had not come in, she set me up on a supplemental tube and nipple shield to give him something extra to eat and latch onto. I put a pic of it below to help explain.
For those who have never nursed, I don't think you'll quite get the initial pains of latching on. My mom put it best by calling it a "toe curling" pain. And oh she was right!
After the milk came in, nursing did get easier. I was still having to use the shield but I was trying these special cups to get my nipple to stand out more. They work through the first half of my feeding, but then my nipples go back down and I need the shield.
Due to traveling and poor timing, I let myself become engorged one too many times and now I have mastitis. What I thought hurt before pales in comparison to the pain now when he latches on. So I'm stuck in bed, trying to feed every 2 hrs (we had been on a wonderful 4 hr schedule), crying when we feed, and having to supplement again with formula since this has cut into my milk supply!
To say the least, I've thought long and hard about formula! But, even though it can very painful and socially inconvenient (and very difficult to do with a nipple shield even with the nursing cover-- the awkward stares from guys don't help either), I have to look at my precious baby boy and know that he is worth it all! If this makes him healthier and happier, you better believe I'll try until I can't! Plus, I've been told it gets easier-- so why suffer and then stop right before it gets better?! A happier momma and baby soon to come!

P.S. for all future moms who are considering breastfeeding, don't let my situation scare you! My scenario is not the norm!